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Late Night Corridors

At first I thought it was nothing. Just a part of the process, I guess. Now I am not so sure anymore. It´s the little things, you know? Like how his toothbrush keeps getting back to the bathroom closet. Or how the dog gets up in the middle of the night and starts playing with itself. I can hear the ball bouncing in the corridor. What a clever little chap. I never taught her that trick.

Grief is a powerful thing. It can really get you. I´ve heard about it on tv. There´s endless Dr. Phil´s making a profit, solely out of grief. It can take you and hug you so tight you feel you run out of air. I think it sounds poetic. Not that I am a poet myself.

Anyway, it's the little things but it's the big things as well. The house isn´t the same anymore. It feels empty. It feels wrong. Dad just sits on the couch and keeps staring at the same tv-shows he used to hate and mom cleans the house every day after work. Not a single spot on the back drawers, no, sir, there ain´t. But we manage. Each in our own way.

A peculiar thing, you know? That toothbrush. I threw it away again yesterday and there is a new one already in the closet. It seems unused but how can you tell? I am not a toothbrush expert. I asked mom about it but she didn´t say anything. Just stared out the window. I didn´t want to push it.
I could have let it go. Accepted the fingerprints on the mirrors when you´re taking a shower or the occasional self-flushing toilet but lately I have started to wonder.

I am not allowed to go the garage anymore. I sure as hell wouldn´t want to drive the scooter but they won´t let me there anyway. No real reason, the doors are just locked. I think I can sometimes hear weeping. Well, I think since there´s another door before the actual garage and the sound is faint but you know.

I overheard them the other day. They kept saying things about something called PTSD. It means post-traumatic stress-disorder. I looked it up on Google. It was common for the soldiers returning from Vietnam. I am not stupid, you know. I can use the internet. I hear and see things.

They said we should move. All the way to the east coast. To get some fresh air, they said. The doc thinks otherwise. She thinks the problems would follow. I know they would. I hear and see things. I am not stupid.

I gotta go. I hear the ball bouncing in the corridor again.

I'm gonna find out some truths tonight.  

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-Jarno Laitinen

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